F*** It

After years of calculative thinking and cautiousness, in 2020, I started living a little more in accordance to the f*** it mantra. Quite obviously, senior year is the year of worry, and the pandemic has not been of help; but recently I've taken the mindset of not caring so much and not doting on what I can't control. (It could also be because of my avoidant personality type, but for now, I'll take it as a good thing.)

It's easy to be positive when things go your way, and I've had the privilege of being able to be positive for my whole life. Amidst aspects of my life that suddenly went wrong this year, I have deviated slightly from my typical upbeat self at times; but more and more, I see how beneficial it is to think f*** it (with consciousness, of course). As much as everyone suggests looking on the bright side of things, when you don't want to, it really sucks. And while I can't say I actively tried to look on the bright side everyone spoke of, I did seek out what would be the bright side for me. 

F*** it. What I used to think is obsolete. What I'm going to do with it is what matters now. 

This, perhaps, vulgar phrase is not only a response to adverse situations. I'm pretty sure in a past blog in the beginning of the year, I wrote about trying to improve my sociality by being shameless. Although, I may not be a wild extrovert who becomes best friends with every person I pass, I can say I try to go with the flow more. Who cares if I have nothing in common with you, what's so wrong with ending up in a situation with just us two alone? Think about it as an opportunity to have to get to know each other. Possibly pitiful to others, that is the most specific of situations that I can mention at the moment, but let's see how far these two words take me in college.